Happy: A Quest for Life After Death

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Introducing Mat: Cylon Model #13

Mat has finished the second treatment of 5-FU, with no immediate horrible side effects. It may be the most tolerable chemo he's tried yet (is this like being the skinniest person at fat camp?).

The main side effect, and one that the drug's literature didn't mention, is that Mat feels like a Cylon. We've been watching the remake of the series Battlestar Galactica, a phrase I never thought I'd write. The show features Cylons, robots that eventually evolve to become nearly indistinguishable from humans, and who then destroy almost all of human civilization.

Mat is also nearly indistinguishable from a human. The key to Cylon detection in his case is to note that every other Wednesday, he goes to MGH to be hooked up to 5-FU via his port. Mat then carries an infusion machine around with him in a stylish man-purse for the next two days until I draw on my in-depth training as a nurse (10 minutes of instruction at MGH) and unhook him on Friday.

Here's where the Cylon detection gets even easier: every three minutes, Mat's infusion machine makes a whirring noise as more drug is pumped in through the port. After a couple of nights of being driven to distraction by the noise, I think we've both accepted it and and the noise has become quite soothing. Being a Cylon isn't so bad after all.

Mat does not really like lugging around the infusion machine -- it weighs at least five or six pounds -- but I'm encouraging him to think of it as a pet. A black, rectangular, whirring pet. I'm not really sure he's bought into that idea. What the frak? I can't imagine why not.


From the Land of Oz said...

good morning is what i feel like i should say after reading this..did you really post it at 3am? if so, maybe you haven't bought into the "whirring" as soothing? :) thinking of you guys!!!!

SLP said...

Does he say 'FRACK' too?

As fans of BG, Taylor has his own personal Cylon detector, we should bring it over for a test run :)

Sending you Cylon hugs,

Greenwood Family said...

It has been a LONG time since I have read this blog-- I lost the url/ address about the time I unofficially lost my sanity (well over a year ago).

I am on the up-and-up right now, and if not quite back to planet earth... I am at least in the hemisphere!! It IS good to count small blessings.

I remembered that kimberly started this blog to "showcase" her witty writing and insightful self, and as I read over the archives of Mat's cancer I can't help but feel both horrified and entertained at the same time (horrified for Mat, entertained by Kimberly's great writing and creative mind).

So, K--- I am HERE again. I don't work this summer, and would like to reach out and help you when I can. I will be in touch!!!!
(Ben also "whirrls" with his CPAP machine. When it stops is when I wake up in a panic!)
With Love, Luna

EmilyCC said...

So, Mat can use his port to corrupt the Cylons' mainframe and fly through high radiation levels?

I'm so happy to hear that this chemo is easier. (But, every 3 minutes--that's one annoying pet!)

Chelsi Ritter said...

tolerable is good! i'm so glad to hear it! maybe if mat named his pet, it would help?

Hank said...

You need to name the bag so it becomes more like a pet. Freddy, maybe? Maybe consider covering it in fur?

You could also treat it like a part of a work out routine and inspire him to do curls with it.

Love you both!